December Chaos

Life has been a whirlwind since November 1st. Of course, November's chaos was caused by the crazed writing frenzy of Nano but December's self induced hysteria is caused by my inability to organize myself and start searching for presents at a more reasonable time of year. I am not a scatter brained person in my normal life and yet, I do the most scatter brained things to create temporary losses of sanity on occasion.

For instance, I know that my family has a shortened holiday season because my kids go to their dad's house every Christmas vacation. Any reasonable person would take that into consideration and extend the shopping period earlier in the year. Yeah, right. I, on the other hand, sign up to wring every last word out of my brain that it ever thought of producing in order to get some kind of crappy book on paper in one month's time and totally put off thinking of shopping for anyone till December 1st.

I know some of you do this every year for no other reason than it is just how you do it every year. I, however, don't usually go about life in this manner. I am a planner. I like to think up plans of action and follow through on them in my imagination until I come upon one that seems to have the most resemblance to what is likely to happen in real life. That's not to say I'm not spontaneous. Just because I think up these plans of action doesn't necessarily mean that I actually use any of them. No, I jump into things all the time without thinking them through. This habit of mine is driving me crazy.

Back to the craziness of this month. Every year, there are school functions to attend, shopping to do, baking for the neighbors, the workmates, the family, and anyone else that looks hungry. There are the gifts to buy, the house to decorate, and all that wrapping. There are the secrets to keep and the conspiracies to hatch, all so everyone gets at least one package that they have no idea of the contents. Why, I ask you, do I wait until December 1st to hatch these plans? The answer? I'm insane, obviously.

Then, the kids leave, the house is silent, the lights wink sadly and I wait for December 30th when the chaos comes back home. Yes, kids, I'm calling you chaos. You have no idea how peaceful it is when you are gone. New year's comes and it's back to the old schedule. God, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Still, I read a decent book by A.D. Scott last week. It's called A Small Death In The Great Glen. It has been a while since I've read a mystery and I didn't know for sure who did it because there were a couple of very good prospects that made complete sense to be the killer. This book took me through about three quarters of the way before I knew for sure who it was. VERY well done, A.D. I like a good mystery and you've penned a good one. I look forward to reading more of your creations. One word of caution about this book, though. Some of the language is hard to follow. It is set in Scotland and once in a while A.D. writes in the dialect and it can be hard to understand if you aren't familiar. All things considered, though, it is well done. Kudos to you, A.D.

In other news, Em's Christmas concert is on Monday evening. It looks like it'll be a pretty good show if the previous concerts are anything to go by. T is taking his EOC's this week. He seems unconcerned about them. I'm hoping this is a good sign. Mom is about the same. I bought a new car. That's life in a nutshell.

A thought for thinking on: shouldn't they be called buttoxen instead of buttocks? Just wondering.

Starting Fresh ... Again

I've been looking through my shelves of notebooks and three ring binders to see if there is any inspiration among the stories laid to rest there that might help me focus my mind. So far, nothing. I want to write, I just don't know what. I'm still trying to find that right fit. What is it that I write well? Outrageous stories fit only for little kids that still believe the unbelievable.

Unfortunately, I have allowed myself to be critiqued out of believing in the unbelievable. So, if I can't believe it, how can I write it with any authority? I think adults forget that kids make leaps of the imagination with very little thought to reality. They'll grasp and run with ideas that the adult stops to question. The kid thinks its the greatest thing to enter an imaginary world where the natural laws have no bearing. The adult questions every step of the way and ends up closing the book. I've listened to too many adults. I'm not happy or proud of this. I've lost my ability to look at everyday events and make them into something fantastical. This is what I will work to get back.

My imagination needs no walls or boundaries. If I place it inside a box, its confinement is stifling. If I let it roam free, it will reconnect with the kid within, hopefully, and the crazy twisting stories will flow once again. I love those stories. I miss those stories. I will write those stories again.

I've tried my hand at other kinds of writing, other genres. I sometimes think that because a publisher, an editor, or an agent would pigeonhole us as a certain type of writer, we as writers try to pigeonhole ourselves. After all, don't all the professionals preach over and over, know who your writing for and what kind of fiction you write? Think about it, though, don't really good stories cross boundaries supposedly set in stone? Aren't the best stories bits and pieces of adventure, mystery, romance or kidlit? Don't we all wish to dive into another life, another world, and leave ours behind? Do we live either an adventurous life, a mysterious life, a romantic life, or a child-like life? Don't we all live in a little bit of each of them? I say, open your mind to the possibilities and quit trying to limit yourself to your chosen genre. There's so much more out there to write. Go, explore, enjoy, write.

Stupid Brain

Did I say Nano was over? I think I did. I think I also reported that I wrote a bunch of crap. So far, this is all true. The question I'm pondering is, why, now that it's all over, is my brain flooded with great ideas and story lines? Well, hell, wouldn't you just know it? The best ideas come when you're not even trying. The problem, I allocated time to write in November thinking I'd make up all the cramming for finals in December which leaves no time for writing. Little notes are left here and there to hopefully remind myself, after finals are over, what those wonderful ideas were. By that time, the notes will make no sense and I'll be wondering what kind of crazed ranting my brain went on while trying to absorb discrete math symbols and java programming language.

In regards to the Nano project, I have decided to scrap the original idea for the book I was going to write but I've decided a few of the scenes can be used in another idea I have. If that ugly lump of words can serve some kind of purpose for future writing, it will not have been a complete waste of time. I think there are several salvageable parts in it, the searching for those pieces may take some time, though.

One thing I've learned through the Nanos I've done is that I'm not at all an organized writer, at least in that month. I can't really say I'm much more organized in writing the other eleven months of the year, either, except for school writing. I need to study how I write a research paper and apply the same type of structure to my fictional writing. I write decent research papers and I think the disciplines learned for them can be applied elsewhere. Maybe that will help me write good words further than the first five chapters. I always seem to lose the thread of where I'm going around that chapter. The first five chapters can be rewritten into something that reads really well. The rest of the book is such a mountain of work to bring up to the same standard that it gets overwhelming and frustrating. Organization and clear goals will help there. Also, knowing more than where I'm starting and where I'm ending.

I know all you writers out there are rolling your eyes and thinking, duh, that's what writing a book involves. Yes, I know that, I just haven't figured out the how of it yet. I know what I want to happen, I can even write a few good scenes for each event in the story, but, somehow, the momentum and the tension leak out of the writing until we're just floating through the words. I get bored writing and I can't go back and read it without wanting to throw it in the nearest garbage pail. I know some of the stories are good, just not well written past a certain point, usually chapter five. If you have any suggestions, please leave a comment and let me know what works for you.

In other news, Em is still scheming, which, I admit, scares me more than a little. T is becoming a very sociable person, which I find more than a little humorous. Mom got a great report from her doctor recently and gets to stop taking one of her medications. Woo hoo!

Here's something to think about, if we're in the matrix, what does the real world look like?

Nanowrimo Is Over -- Party!

All righty, then. Nano is finally over, as of midnight tonight, but for me it ended yesterday. I hit my 50,000th word and almost passed out. There are still those that are writing and trying to make it before midnight and I wish them lots of luck and easy flowing words. What did I write, you ask? It is the biggest collection of crap I've come up with yet. I mean it, seriously, it's awful. However, when I realized that the story was just ... pathetic, I quit trying to put it together and forcing it to become what it so obviously couldn't be. I started writing scenes that are loosely connected at best and completely disjointed at worst. I do think there is some good material in it if you take it piece by piece, but all together, well, I wouldn't make my arch enemy read it. That would be cruel and unusual punishment. So, now, I take a breath in relief that it's over, put the damn thing on a shelf, and hopefully let it be totally forgotten. May it sink into the void of oblivion and never be heard from again. Yes, it is that bad.

The one good thing that came from the month of November is my enjoyment of writing. I've written so many research papers that I had really started hating the idea of writing. Nano let me remember what it's like to write for fun, letting the mind travel down imagination roads without needing to be justified or cited in any way. Yes, I know that were I a published writer, I'd have to justify my writing somehow, after all, the point of published writing is to make money. However, since I am not one of the lucky ones that makes their living from their imaginations, I can write to please myself, unless of course, I want someone to look at it and critique it for me. That's a whole other story. I've been down that road several times and I'd like to go there again but I don't have the energy to spend on it at the present moment. There's too much homework to be done.

In other news, Em is being very sneaky. I think it has something to do with presents. T on the other hand seems totally oblivious. It must be a guy thing.

The final thought today? A quote I'm particularly fond of, "You're not a donkey, you don't have to be an ass." Just a thought.

Nano Is Almost Over

I'm still behind in nano but that doesn't stop me from writing as if I have a chance. I switched the whole pitch of the story midstream but I'm not sure that I like the new direction this foolish thing has taken. I don't think there's much of anything salvageable in the whole sorry mess but I hope there are a few pieces that can be used somewhere else. There are a couple of nice scenes that I think I could polish up and use. Of course, I would change the names so the innocent would be protected.

I've got over 19,000 words down which leaves 31,000 to go before the 30th. I'm pretty sure I won't make it at this point, unless I get some kind of brainstorm and have the time and energy to get it down on paper. I don't really see that happening but, who knows, it's a possibility.

In the meantime, I've been reading a new book by Gyles Brandreth called Oscar Wilde and a Death of No Importance. It has been fairly interesting so far. A bit unbelievable but fairly interesting. I'll let you know what I think of it when I finish it.

In other news, T has become the class clown at school. I'm not sure what to think about that at this point. He used to be the quietest kid in the class. Em has cavities ... again. I would love to go to the dentist and hear that her teeth are squeaky clean and she's been taking really good care of them. Alas, it seems this is not to happen in my lifetime. I'm suggesting that she just hang it up and get dentures. Life would be so much easier if she could just take them out and put them in a glass of water at night.

Food for thought for today is: Just when you think you're ahead, you realize the people right behind you are about to lap you.

Harry Potter Opening And I'm Still Writing

Those of you who know me well, know that I'm a huge Harry Potter fan. Since that is the case, it should come as no surprise that I went to the midnight show last night. I was disappointed, not in the film, but in the audience. Gone was the festive sense of anticipation that was present at previous opening nights. Out of the few hundred people who showed, I saw maybe three or four in costume. The pageantry of the night was part of the experience and that is definitely gone. The last time a Harry Potter show opened it was closely related to the release of book 7 in the series. Now, there is no wondering what comes next, no debating about who lives and dies. It's all there, in writing, and it feels like the fans have moved on.

Don't get me wrong, the movie was great. They ended it at just the right spot leaving the watcher ready for the next one. We all know what happens but we need to find out how they create it. One warning, the snake, yipes. That's all I'm going to say.

So, the review? The movie was great, the audience wasn't and lets face it, the audience is part of the experience. Find yourself a bunch of easily excitable friends and some girls who squeal and jump at all the right moments of terror in the film. Surround yourself with these people and your experience will probably be just fine.

I know you're wondering how my nano effort is doing. I'm happy to report that I'm over 16,000 words. I'm nowhere near where I should be but I am writing. Granted the words are mostly crap and the scenes go off into neverland until I have to just stop and start a new chapter because I've rambled myself into a corner, but, hey, I'm writing. Isn't that the purpose of nano, anyway? People on my buddy list are doing great. One has even been finished with her 50,000 words for over a week. Am I jealous? I can't say that I am. I don't feel the same sense of urgency to win that I felt last year. I'm happy being a participant and getting the feel of creativity again. Writing papers for school sucks the creativity right out of you.

In other news, Em has a "team-building luau" tonight with the other members of the band and orchestra. I'm not sure what a cookout with hot dogs, chips and drinks has to do with a luau, but there you have it. T has a new x-box and kinect and he's loving both. What a great way to get a gamer moving. It's so much better than the wii.

And what, you're asking, is the thought to be going on with? Sad to say, I don't have one. Between writing, kinect, homework and so-called luaus, there is no time for thought. What were you thinking? :-)

Writing Tangents And A Book Review

I'm here to report that I'm still behind in my Nano writing. I've finished almost 10,000 words but I should be closer to 25,000. However, I have a good story line going and I think I can still make it if I can find a few undisturbed bits of time between now and the end of the month. I've gone off on a few tangents but I decided to go with it because there are some good back story ideas in them. I'll have time to cut and edit later but for now I'm going to keep going. Besides, the tangents make the word count go up.

I'm glad to report the aliens have repaired my hard drive, my kids have kindly quit holding my computer hostage, the brain reformed, the flue finally dried up, and I'm back from England (thank you, Histrel, for an amazing visit to York). So, no excuses are left for not writing. Well, except that I'm here instead of there. This blog was calling my name so I thought I'd take a break from writing and update everyone. Yeah, I know, another excuse not to write.

I need to report that I've finished the book I wrote about earlier. It's called Full Dark House and Christopher Fowler is the author. It isn't bad, not great, but not bad. There is a tremendous amount of jumping from present to past and back again without any warning. This is a bit confusing in the beginning, but, if you read for longer than a few minutes at a time, you catch on to the time leaps pretty quickly and the story starts to make sense. He does a nice job of making some very interesting characters. I find myself liking his MC's and his minor roles are full blown people. Some writers, me included, forget to make the walk-ons have as much personality as the MC's even though they don't play a big role in the story. The problem I have with this book is with the mystery itself. There's enough death and gore to go around and you feel like you're nicely on the trail of the killer when he switches tacks on you. The real answer comes out of nowhere and that particular storyline isn't introduced until quite late in the book. I think that's what I like least about this book. The whole thing is logical and stumbles along quite nicely until the last 1/4 of the book. All of the sudden, there is a new element that, quite frankly, was irritating to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind surprise endings but this one made no real sense. Most surprise endings make sense after you know the answer. You can look back on the story and see that you were set up all the way through. Not so here. There is nothing to suggest that the answer is involved in the case at all. It was a great disappointment. However, it is the first in a series, and because he did such a good job with his characters, I am willing to buy the next in the series to see if he gets better with his mysteries. If he does not, and I'm afraid he won't, that will be it. I won't be buying anymore. So, there you have it, my thoughts on Full Dark House by Christopher Fowler. If you like a mystery whose answer makes no sense and you enjoy really good character development, this is the book for you.

In other news, T is thinking of playing a dancing video game with some friends from school. He knows he's being set up for a huge loss of dignity but he's willing to go through with it anyway. Usually, there is only one reason why a teen would be willing to do this sort of thing. I'll let you figure it out. Em's band class is having a team building luau next Friday. I'm not sure what eating hot dogs and chips then doing activities has to do with a luau but there you have it.

One more piece of information to give you something to think about. Just because something is the size of a rat does not make it a rat. Gnaw on that thought for a while and see where it takes you.

Alien Interference

It's day eight of Nano November and I'm not doing well with my writing. There have been reasons, good reasons, actually, for this lapse of writing ability.

1. Aliens landed in my back yard and completely messed up my computer's hard drive with their advanced technology.
2. The teens have hijacked my computer and are holding it for ransom until their demands are met. Completely unreasonable demands, I might add.
3. The brain has imploded under it's own weight with the ideas banging around inside it.
4. The flu hit hard and refuses to let go.
5. My "trip to see England" piggy bank figured out how to legally make its own money and I'm currently vacationing there.

Yeah, I know, the alien thing is the only reasonable one on the list so we'll just stick with that story.

Other people on my Nano buddy list are doing great, though. Keep on writing. Hopefully I'll be able to join the ranks of the actively writing before long.

Nanowrimo Party and Warnings

Last night was the kick off party for Nano in the Charlotte area. The first thing we did was play the penny game which is an easy way of introducing yourself. You take a penny from a bag, look at the year on it, and when it's your turn, you introduce yourself and tell one story from your life in that year. Mine happened to be the year I dislocated my shoulder while throwing away a bag of garbage. What are the odds I'd get the year 1982 on my penny? *rolling eyes* It made for a good ice breaker, though. After that, how bad can your life be, right?

In all seriousness, though,I was impressed with the teenagers who dragged their parents out to come to this party. It is a relief to me that there are so many young people taking writing seriously, I mean beyond texting. These kids are organized and ready to go. Five of them are in the same creative writing class in school and were the representatives for the group that are doing Nano this year. Apparently it is not a school assignment. They found out about it and formed a club to do it.

Another of the teens is 14 and full of ideas. Her goal is to put 80,000 words down this year because she found out that though 50,000 sounds like a lot of words, it wasn't enough to tell the story she wanted to tell. By the way, she got 50,001 words last year.

Monday starts the month of the hand cramps and brain fog. You'll know a Nano-er by the glazed look in their eyes and the mumbling to themselves about story lines, dialog, and characters. Here are a few rules for your own protection during the month of November while Nano-ers are running around trying to get their stories down.

• Try to be patient if a complete stranger stops you in the grocery store and has a mostly one sided conversation with you about dragons blushing and the common hair color of gnomes.
• If you're buying lotto tickets, stick them in your purse or pocket quickly because a Nano-er is likely to snatch them out of your hand to write down a sudden inspiration.
• If you're in traffic and the car in front of you stops suddenly and you see a frantic search going on inside the car, calmly go around, the person is trying to find some paper and a pen. Honking only makes them lose their train of thought and they become mildly violent because that could have been the perfect ending to the story.
• Don't mess with a Nano-er at 11:30 pm November 30th. They are like bears coming out of hibernation in the spring and will harm anyone who comes between them and their 50,000th word.

So, there you have it, survival tips if you live around Nano people. Just be patient and recognize they've lost their mind for the month and they're not really responsible for what happens. December 1st, you'll have the normal person back again.

Here's a quick update in other news, Em has a tablet that she loves. She's been drawing her cartoon people like crazy. I have a meeting with one of T's teachers and counselor on Monday. It seems like the teacher thinks he can do more than he does and is confused as to why he doesn't push himself to excel. Hmmm, I think it's called a teenage boy.

Nano Starts Soon

October is almost over which means Halloween is upon us and Nano starts soon. Our organizer here in Charlotte, Charity, is doing a great job and the writing energy is tremendous on the Nano site. The real question is, on October 15th will any of us be quite so pumped and ready to write? From experience I can tell you ... no.

By the middle of the month we'll all be waking up in the morning wondering what kind of idiots we were to sign up for this impossible task. I mean really, what were we thinking? 50,000 words in 30 days? Are we nuts? Apparently we are because there are winners. There are crazy people out there who write a complete novel in 30 days and go on to polish it and sell it.

I'm not one of them but I hear they exist. Could be one of those urban legends but I sincerely hope not. That hope is what keeps me writing for Nano. I've finished, I've been a 50,000 word winner, but I've not written anything that is close to salable, at least not in it's current form. I've tried the revision process, which any of you who have followed here long enough can attest to. I've done an epic fail at revision.

I've been told that the best thing to do with a Nano story is to put it away. Don't look at it, don't think about it, don't revise it. Just put it away for at least a month if not 6 months or more. Yeah right, fat chance. After all, I've just produced this whopping monster of words, I have to cut it down to size, organize and rewrite the thing while it's fresh in my mind. Wrong. Burn out. Severe hatred. Shelved for life. Been there, going to try not to do that this year.

So, now that you know more about Nano and the process than you ever wanted to, anyone want to come write with me? I assure you, few are professionals and all are welcome. All you have to do is write. This is for you Histrel. *evil grin* Ha! Nailed you! That'll teach you to let me know that you're watching my Nano progress.

Anyway, if you're interested, post a comment and we'll make arrangements to "meet" and record our progress. Go to nanowrimo.org and sign up. You'll probably find a group where you live. Above all, have fun.

Nano, Halloween, and Gaming

I'm officially part of Nano this year. I even signed up to take napkins and cups to the kick off party next Friday. Still, there's that inner frozen writer walking around reeking with the smell of fear, it's eyes filled with apprehension. What if I sit down and there's nothing there? What if I go all month and there's only a blank document at the end of it? Anyone have a paper bag? Anyone? How about a Valium?

Yep, that's the way it feels when you know you have exactly 30 days to write a minimum of 50,000 words. Not that something horrible happens to you if you don't. There's just the shame in front of your Nano buddies, and if you're like me and have stupidly blogged about it, the shame in front of THE WHOLE WORLD. Luckily I only have 10 followers. Well, except for anyone who reads this because it's attached to facebook. Great, no pressure.

Em was invited to a Halloween party. Guess who she's going to be. Zim, of course. She just has to figure out how to do his hair. If her hair was just a tad bit shorter, I could slap some goop in it and make it do the little curly-cue thing on top but her hair is too long and heavy. I suggested she make a cap with the hair on it. She's thinking it over.

T picked up Fallout New Vegas yesterday. Apparently, it's in post-apocalyptic Vegas and everyone is some kind of mutant. According to T, it's a good game. I like games like Destroy All Humans which was totally dorky, but, hey, it's my speed. I can just feel T and Em rolling their eyes at me.

So, there you have it in a nutshell. Hyperventilation, well-shellacked hair, and mutants in Vegas. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Nano, School Writing, and New Authors

It's Nano time again but I haven't decided whether I'll be participating or not. With my school schedule, I'm not sure I'll have the time or the writing energy to get 50,000 words in print in a month. I may just try to keep track of the friends I made last year and hope they'll let me attend a few of the write-ins even though I'll be writing school papers and not a novel.

I've been writing business papers lately. My head is full of ethics and social responsibility. I don't enjoy researching businesses and their practices and deciding whether they have a heightened sense of ethical conduct or not. Unfortunately, there are not many out there that actually do. I've noticed that many of them do good with one hand while hurting the environment with the other. It all seems to come down to money. I get so disgusted with this class.

The writing part has been good for me though. I'm also taking a professional writing class that is changing how I look at writing. When I was a member of The Writing Bridge, there was one person that I never quite understood. She is very good at taking all the emotion out of a piece and looking at it in a completely objective manner. Her critiques were that way and her writing was that way. This class explains it. She is a researcher and her writing professionally has to be objective, without emotion. You can't do that all day and not have it spill over into your writing. It all starts to make sense now. She was the hardest person for me to understand when she'd critique my work because I look at writing completely differently than she does. Now, I look at what she's written and I get what she's saying. So, thank you for the great critiques, Saoirse, even though the thanks is a bit late.

I've been reading two authors that are new to my library. The first one I finished was a period mystery piece called A Beautiful Blue Death by Charles Finch. It was an Agatha Award nominee so I thought it should be pretty good. He did a decent job of constructing the mystery but I didn't feel pulled into the world he was trying to build. If you do a period piece, you have to know that time thoroughly in order to make it believable. While it was a quick read and fairly entertaining, it seemed a bit flat to me. The characters weren't as engrossing as I'd like them to be. The hero is a happy-go-lucky sort who doesn't have to work at all and solves mysteries because he's basically bored with his life. No problems there although a good dark side to his nature would have made him a bit more interesting. The mystery was pretty well laid out with some very nice red herrings although when you get to the end you've known who did it for a while. It was too obvious. Sometimes you just want to bonk the detective in the head with a board to get them to wake up. Mr. Finch has two other books published in this series and I'm hoping they'll be a bit better. It feels like his characters need to grow up a bit before they're really good characters you want to keep with you. Perhaps Mr. Finch will get better with time and practice. I hope so.

I'll let you know what I think of the second writer when I finish reading the book. It's all right so far but not as good as I was looking for it to be.

Just a quick side note. For anyone out there who is a Sherlock Holmes fan, try the series of books written by Laurie King. She writes of Holmes in his retirement after he got married. She constructs great mysteries and stays true to Doyle's vision of Holmes while adding her own touch with Holmes' wife. They are the best I've found for additions to the Holmes legacy.

The latest thoughts from the kids are: if you're speaking French, you're probably spitting on people and Zim rules. I know you couldn't possibly live without those two pieces of knowledge.

Fun With The Kids

I found myself trading comments with my son on facebook today. There was a time when I could out talk, out think and out wit my kids. This time seems to have passed. I find that they are every bit as skilled at twisting words and their meanings as I am. Their thinking is just as skewed as mine and then some. Their thinking challenges mine. Altogether, I think this is a good thing since it keeps my thinking processes from going stale.

Of course, I'm not saying or admitting in any way that they are correct in their thinking. Obviously, I am still right when it comes right down to the bottom line but I will give them this, they make me work for my inevitable win. They will contest this foregone conclusion that I am always right, but in the end, they have to bow to the inevitable and accept the greater wisdom that is mine.

My only regret about all this is that I have never been able to take the repartee that goes on daily in my house and translate it into a book. It comes out flat and unbelievable when you write it or the kids sound disrespectful because you don't get to see the humor and the body language that goes with the words. I think this is my fault because I haven't created characters with depth to them. It's truly unfortunate because I'd love to share with the world the insanity that is my living room when the kids first get home from school. I laugh more in that hour than I do at any other time.

So, for now, I'll just say that Dumas is a famous writer not a dumb ass and gaffe is evidently an archaic word that only I use because I originate from before dirt was created. I'll leave you with those two thoughts.

Apologies and Hair

Note to self: use some self control and don't blog after a long day when you're too tired to think properly. Apologies to all who were thrown into depression from my last blog. However, there is an upside. This one can't possibly be worse than the last one. Yeah, right.

I've come to the conclusion that because I wanted to be a cosmetologist when I grew up, I somehow engineered a gene that both of my kids have inherited which gives them too much hair to deal with. There is the normal amount of hair a person should have and the average person has the normal amount of hair. However, my kids have so much hair on their heads that there's no room for scalp. It's simply a huge mat of hair.

My daughter's hair is thick and wavy but she wants it straight. What the hell? You try and straighten that mass of hair in the ten minutes she allows before she has to go out the door in the morning to catch the bus. Impossible, I say. We could surgically remove half of her hair to make a wig for some needy bald person and she'd still have more than the normal amount of hair.

Then there's my son. Ho-ly-Mo-ses! That boy has more hair than a third world country. Chewbacca is bald next to him. Seriously. Not only that, it's curly and long and every girl wants it. DISGUSTING! Not that he's girly, he just has this great hair. Thank God he isn't a dog because the shedding would be a killer. I might have to buy one of those tape roller thingies to follow him around the house and pick up behind him. Or a flowbie.

What brought on this diatribe, you ask. Well, I was combing my hair this morning and its just hanging there, straight and normal, and I realized that I am cursed. I dreamed of taking care of hair to make my living and I'm taking care of hair free of charge because my kids have so much of it. This really sucks.

Losing the Creativity

This is the second edition of this post. The first one was getting too melancholy and I had to ditch it. That's such a cool word, melancholy. It sounds so lonely and sad. I love words like that.

Quirky is another word like that. Odd, offbeat, different. Yep, I like quirky, too.

Harangue, prude, gargantuan, and persnickety are more words I love. Feel free to add words of your own in the comments if you wish.

The question of the moment is, why do these words fail to inspire good fiction in the creative part of my brain? I think it's on strike and the management isn't talking to the blue collars. Or, it could be that academic writing kills creativity. Nah, that can't be true. It must be those darn teenagers who have squatters' rights in my house. Two teens are enough to sap the creativity out of any brain.

Speaking of squatters' rights, why is it that one of those teens feels she needs to re-paint her room every six months? She's in an Invader Zim mode right now. For those of you who don't know who that is, all I can say is, lucky you. Em has decided she wants the box set for Christmas and since the toon is no longer being made it is now a collectors' item and that makes it expensive. But that's beside the point. She wants to paint her room purple and green just like Zim's. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the colors. The ones she chose are just fine. It's all the work involved in the painting. If you have ever seen her room, you'd understand. She's a "collector". She doesn't hoard. There are no stacks of things from the day she was born. No, she just sees collections in everything that crosses her path. I've had to limit her collecting. If she starts a new one, she has to eliminate an old one. It seems to be the only way of keeping any kind of control of the mass of stuff in her room. Still, moving all the collections is a pain in the butt.

So, I love odd words, they don't help me write, I have teen squatters in my house and my daughter has expensive tastes. Yep, that about sums it up.

A Series Of Mini-Disasters

I put my son on my car insurance. Big mistake! I just got off the phone with the insurance people and they assured me there was not a fatal computer error when they printed my bill. I knew my insurance was going up, I even shopped around for the best prices, but when the reality of it hits you, well, damn! The first bill is for two months since you pay a month in advance with insurance, so I know it won't be so high from here on out. However, it's a good thing I don't have a heart condition because seeing that number would have been the end for me. I told them I might have to take him off my insurance because I'm not sure I can afford him and they said he'd have to prove that he'd surrendered his license for that to happen. Hah! Fat chance of that happening now that he has it in his grubby little hands. Damn!

As for my writing, the main writing group I belong to is going through a state of flux. I'm waiting to see what happens when all the dust settles. From what I've seen so far, I'm probably going to have to leave the group. This group is very talented and I've been happy to be part of it but I can't produce work worthy of being seen by anyone let alone this group of talented people as often as it looks like they want it. I just have too many other things happening. I suppose if I were as dedicated to my writing as I evidently need to be to fit into this group, it wouldn't be a problem. But, my life is so much more than writing. So, maybe I don't belong with the group. That doesn't mean I will quit writing, though it will be a serious loss. I've enjoyed friendship with a couple of the members. The others are nice enough though they're stand-offish to newcomers. Most of them have been there for years and years so its hard to break into the established friendships. I was just feeling like I had made some connections with a few of them and then this. The timing is off for me, I guess.

Yesterday was my sister's birthday. She's 26 and she acts like she's turning 87. She's actually stopping her birthdays at 22 and remaining that age. How incredibly retarded. She's young and she's full of life. I say celebrate your age. Its just a number but those changing numbers mean free meals and gifts and cards and whatnot. Hell, I'd have a birthday every other month if someone took me out to eat because of it. Duh! LOL! Happy 87th birthday, Kati.

So, to sum up my life for the last few weeks, I've gotten the shock of my life with the addition of my son to my car insurance, I've pretty much decided to leave The Writing Bridge, and my sister is still turning 22. Yep, life is full of happiness. Can't you hear the angels singing?

Still Alive

It was brought to my attention recently that I have been neglecting my online presence. After thinking about it for about a millisecond I realized the online police were absolutely correct. So, here I am with nothing special to say, but, by god, I am online. Snark.

You're wondering what could be so important that I would neglect my online life, and, rightly so. Let me see if I can actually justify the ignoring of the cyber world for as long as I have.

First excuse: It's been a very hot summer here in North Carolina and our air conditioning went kaplooey. The heat makes the energy seep right out of your pores. So, I've been here, in a puddle, on the floor, for the last few months completely unable to reach a keyboard or having the solid form required to use the darn thing if I could reach it.

Second excuse: I'm in the middle of some ridiculously hard college courses that some idiot thought it would be a good idea to take at this stage in my life when my brain is starting to molder and is vigorously resisting learning anything new. Beyond the tremendous headaches caused by the brain fighting with the body, it refuses to direct my fingers to the keyboard of my computer to post anything online as a sort of punishment for making it learn.

Third excuse: I have two teens.

Fourth excuse: I am simply too tired to bother. With working full time, having a full course load in school, making sure my kids get their homework done and keeping my mom out of trouble (I tell you she is harder to keep track of than my kids), I simply don't have the energy to socialize either online or in person. I think I've become a hermit and my house is my hermit cave.

I'll leave you to choose which excuse you wish to propagate around the internet community. I don't care which one gets out though the whole heat, puddle on the floor thing is probably closest to the truth. I can't wait to find out via the grapevine what's going on in my life that keeps me from interacting with my friends.

To all of you that have waited impatiently for a new post from me, I sincerely apologize, well, as sincerely as my rebelling brain will let me. Darn you brain, get over your snit already. As you can see, I am still alive and well, okay, I am still alive. Hello to you all and now back to my cave.

Tempus Fugit

The summer has been busy even though there are no kids around. I've finished up the summer session in school and am looking ahead to the fall semester. Time flies by and I don't realize it until payday comes around. That's not to say there are loads of cash sitting around rotting or anything, just that time sits still for no one. Rotting cash, I wish I had that problem. My cash almost catches fire from the friction as it flies into and out of my hands.

The writing is going fairly well considering the lack of time I seem to have lately. I've been trying to fix a chapter in my new project but it refuses to be fixed. I'm ready to pitch the whole chapter and start from scratch. Meanwhile, the old project molders on the shelf. I'm happy to let it sit for a while. Maybe if it lays there long enough I'll go back to it and rediscover some enthusiasm for it. I've been told not to jump into revising immediately after I've written something. That's hard for me because I'm usually still excited about the writing at that point. It's all about momentum. After starting the revision project I get burned out and tired of the words. So, I'm going to try the whole put-it-away-for-a-while thing and see if that works better. Meanwhile, there's this stupid girl who sees a murder and refuses to run. She's such a dunce. But that's a different story.

I've said before that I found my love of writing when I was in the sixth grade in creative writing on Friday's. I found that teacher on facebook recently. He has no idea the worlds he opened to me. I've always had a huge imagination but until his classes I had no place to keep the creations. It's a cool thing you've done, Mr. Hillyer. Very cool.

In other news, I'm not so tired as I was in the last post. The whole wiping issue has been eradicated and cleanliness standards are back in full force. This pleases me since the question of did I or didn't I was about to drive me insane, well, more than I already am. I recently talked to one of my sisters and she has an even bigger issue. It seems she can't spit. For those of you that can spit, and get some distance on it, you just can't understand how handicapped those of us feel who cannot. Have you ever had a bad taste in your mouth that you need to spit out and you try only to have it dribble down your chin and onto your clothes? Yep, that's an issue. I have only one thing to say about that. Whether you can spit or not, don't try spitting in the wind. That's just not pretty.

July's Update

Here we are in July and I've not been keeping you up with everything that's going on. Let's see, what's new since last time? The kids are at their dad's house but they come home sooner than in the years before because T has to go to school early. They're both happy about that.

It's been cool here lately. It was up in the 100's then it dropped to the mid 70's. I like the 70's. Life is more bearable in the 70's. It won't stay there, though. This is only the beginning of July. We have the rest of the month and all of August to get through. Holy heatwave, Batman.

The writing is going well. I've revised quite a bit, though I still don't think I'm telling the whole story yet. I've started on a new project because there are days that I just can't bear to look at the old story even one more time. That feeling passes eventually and I go back to it and revise some more.

The new story is my first try at first person/present tense. It isn't going well. I write a chapter or two then go back and look at what I've written. After the first two or three sentences I find I've fallen back into third/past. That means seeking out all those pesky little verbs and changing them. Believe me, we use way more verbs than we think we do. I'm beginning to hate the little buggers.

Mom is doing well. The heat was really starting to wear her down but these last few days of cool weather have helped her recover some of her energy.

School is almost done for the summer. I have two extra point projects to finish for my English class and one final left to take. I'm ready for it to be done. My brain is starting to seize up at the oddest moments. This is not a good thing when you're figuring the commissions for the sales people at work and you suddenly can't remember how to use the calculator, or you're driving home and you suddenly can't remember where you're going, or if you're on the toilet and you can't remember if you've wiped or not. Don't laugh folks, I'm sure it's happened somewhere. heehee

So that's it. Now you've had a glimpse into the mess that is me, go on with your life and enjoy your sanity. Just remember, if in doubt, wipe again.

Just A Quick Hello

I have really neglected this blog and I apologize. I've been doing algebra and I find my brain just doesn't like to think in a rational, numbers kind of way. To tell the truth, I've never liked math and I'm not especially good at it, never have been. If there were ever a subject I struggled with in school, that would be it.

Besides math, I've been writing a few things. I've started on a murder/mystery that may or may not ever be done. I have an especially difficult lead character who refuses to do what I tell her to do. You can't have a good mystery if the dumb girl won't run away from the murderer and keeps getting caught. She's supposed to be the witness to the murder and keep the secret thus making it highly desirable to the murderer to kill her. BUT, he isn't supposed to. Darn girl, just won't get out of the house. No wonder there are so many horror movies. I bet they didn't start out that way but ended up that way because the main characters refused to do what the writer wanted them to. I must admit I'm about ready to kill my main character off.

In other, less violent news, the kids are ready to be done with school. T has another day of testing and Em is finished with hers. They have to turn in their books and they're done. Joy.

Well, I've taken a break and updated you on my life. Back to the books.

Writing Changes How You Read

I was reading over the crits on my newest work and found myself chuckling. Not at the crits. Nope, never at the crits ... unless they were meant to be funny. No, I found myself laughing at how writers read. Way back when, before I started taking my writing seriously, I would read for the pure pleasure of it. Unless something was completely out of whack with a book, I would accept that the book would explain itself or I'd make an imagination leap and accept the movement of the story line itself. Not now.

When I give works of mine to non writers to read, they expect to be entertained and as long as the story flows and makes sense they seem to fill in the gaps themselves. That is not to say that I don't get the "what the heck" looks. I do. More often than I'd like. But for the most part, non writers are more accepting.

I read the book I voted for in a book club and I found myself thinking that it was shallow and time consuming. The only thing that happened in it that I really cared about was that a rapist got killed in the end. That was the one thing that made me connect with the book. Through the whole thing I was waiting to be pulled in. Ten or even five years ago, I'd have read the book and been entertained by the dumbness of it all. I'd have been rooting for the characters with spunk and I'd have been sappily happy that the couple made it through their test and is having a baby. Barf!

I'm glad I've learned as much as I have. I'm glad I'm becoming a better writer, at least I hope I am. But sometimes I miss the innocent reader I was. The one that would accept unforeseen plot twists and fluffy writing that passed the time whether I cared about the characters or not.

Burning Shakespeare

I got to work early this morning and had oodles of time to sit and think. I did some writing and it felt good to be putting pen to paper instead of typing. However, I found I missed the speed at which I can type something up and hit the delete button if it doesn't sound right when I read it over. There is something to be said for the modern convenience of the computer. That got me to thinking of Shakespeare. I'm in no way an expert on him. I haven't yet found a single thing of his that I can read without wondering, what the hell is he saying and why doesn't he just say it already instead of beating around the bush until he's worn a moat in the ground and no one can actually get to the bush anymore? But that's an argument for another blog. Deep breath. No, what I was thinking about is all the paper he must have used writing and revising his rambling thoughts. Can you imagine the hundreds and thousands of pages of script he wrote and how little of it was actually usable? And, how did he keep it all straight? I mean, I have a computer and I'm still not the most organized writer there is. I'm pretty sure I'm in the bottom 10% when it comes to writing organization. But imagine how he must have felt sitting in his tiny little room, candles lit and trying to keep his papers out of the flames. That begs another question, how many fires did he start and how much of his work was burned, accidentally, before he learned to write in the daylight when no candles were needed? I'm just saying ...

Yet Another Method Of Procrastination

Here we are at Friday again and another week is gone. Time is flying by yet I don't feel I've been as productive in my writing as I think I should be. True, I've been writing papers for my classwork and there are other pulls on my time, but I should be setting aside time to do my own writing. So, what do I do about this non writing funk I've fallen into? Pick up a pen and look at a chapter I need to revise. I'm not sure the strategy will work, it's almost too simple to have really good results but you never know. I may take a fresh look at my work and see some kind of glaring screwup that needs remedied. I think the biggest reason why I'm not writing is that I have two manuscripts complete and I feel that if I work on more I'm somehow not finishing my projects. I hate unfinished projects. So, I've set roadblocks on my creating a new character and story or finishing some of the other stories I've started until I've finished one of the two revisions I need to do. Maybe I need more of a balance between the two sides of the writing. Maybe there should be a little bit of creating something new along with a few revisions. Or maybe I should quit writing in my blog about what I could be doing and go do it already. Hmmm...

Taking Stock Of My Life

I've been keeping a journal lately. It isn't something I've ever been good at and, quite frankly, I don't think I'll have this one written up into a memoir any time soon. Still, it has been useful to me to straighten out my thoughts. I get so busy with surviving life that I sometimes forget what I need to do live. What do is meant by live? (Ah, yes, Cynthia, I have been paying attention.) I mean sit back and relax; take stock of all the good stuff. Did I notice the lilies out front are shooting up all dark green and leafy? (Well, the ones that don't have something eating at them, anyway.) Did I listen to my kids talking just for the joy of hearing their happy voices? (OK, so they have to have happy voices in the first place and being teens that's rare.) Did I smile for no reason other than I just felt good? (Maybe not a good idea since I do talk to myself more often than I like. Scratch that last question.) Did I tell my boss it's a joy to come to work? (Perhaps I should pass out waders before saying that.) Nope, haven't done any of these things. But, I did take the time to think about them. Well, the more I think about them the more I'm convinced it isn't such a good idea to go look for trouble. So, I'll just plop into my chair after a long day and breath a sigh of relief that it's another day down and I'm still alive. WOOHOO!

To Clean House ... Or Not

The weather has turned very nice which spurs me on to clean the house. I don't know why this is so but the first warm days of the year make me want to get my house in order. Well, as much of my house as I claim as mine. I don't go near the kids' rooms. They're more than a little bit scary. Nor would I be so bold as to walk into Mom's room and clean. I might find more than I bargained for in there. Now she's got a man friend, I may be staying out of her room forever. Okay, so let me just say that the warm weather making me want to clean the house has nothing whatsoever to do with me actually doing the deed itself. To date, the house is not cleaned nor have I begun the cleaning process. There are simply too many other things to do. I have reading to do and writing and blogging and class and revisions and ... you get the picture. Not that these things are necessarily getting done either but I like to say I have so much to do that I can't possibly clean today. So, what have I been doing? I've got a stack of manuscripts to read and I've been making my way through them along with notations. The revisions on the manuscripts I've already read have been returned to me and let me tell you, those authors are awesome. They know when to change their work and when to hold their position. The resulting stories are coming together very nicely. Mine is going through some real growing pains. Much of it needs to be cut and condensed. There are three chapters in particular that are going to have to become one. I just have to figure out how to do that without losing the important stuff. I'm really good at slashing. I really am. My problem is more an issue of not knowing when to stop slashing. All right, that's the blogging done, now I have reading to do then to the writing. See, I'm way too busy to possibly clean my house. LOL

Catching Up

I've been away from my blog for a very long time. I apologize to everyone. I've been so busy lately that it's been hard to find the time to fit everything in. I've started school and it's been exciting, tiring and ... well, educational. I'd forgotten what writing for school was like. It's very different than writing for publication. I'm not sure I like school writing. It seems so limited and rule bound. I'm pretty sure I didn't make a good grade on my last essay because I broke too many rules. Ah well, as long as I pass the class I'll be happy. I've been revising my nano story as well. It's slow going because my time is so divided but I think I'm making some good progress on it. Thanks to Greg my crit buddy who is kindly hanging in there with me through my sporadic writing and crazy wild schedule. He has some really great ideas for tightening up my writing. I have a tendency, as you all know from my blog, to be a bit wordy. Greg is on top of that for me. Still, there's a lot to do. There are times I wonder why in the world I bother. I feel like I'm losing my focus on my book. There is really so much to do. It gets overwhelming. I have to take a step back and look at the work as objectively as possible. It's never completely objective because it's mine, but, I step back and try to make my revising fit into logical steps. I've been told I do it all backwards and it's totally possible I do but it works for me for now. I'm hoping I'll learn a better way before I'm done with school but until I do, I'll just keep on slogging away in my own way.

Successful Revision, I Think

I finished my first chapter revision - finally. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I took it in a whole new direction but I like the story better this time, I think. It still has to pass the crit buddy and the group but here's hoping. I'm beginning to think I've added way too many new projects to my life. I was used to coasting along getting the necessary things done and the rest of the time was mine to spend however I chose. I was bored. So, like a maniac, I decided I needed to fill my life with action. GAW!!! Never, I repeat, never, say that to yourself. What was I thinking? I've gotten myself in deeper than I intended but I think it could work. My kids aren't used to me being unavailable whenever they need me. I feel for them. It's tough when your mom starts saying, "Sorry, I'm busy, bugger off." The temper tantrums are thrown, the dishes are broken but I think, 'hey, its all in a good cause.' They'll soon learn not to bother me so I won't have to throw any more tantrums to get them to leave me alone. Got you, didn't I? You thought the kids were throwing the tantrums. LMAO! Sorry, they say the mind is the first thing to go.

Some Serious Multitasking

I received my new textbooks yesterday for my classes that start next month. Woohoo. No really, woohoo. I'm excited. The course I'm looking forward to the most is the expository writing class. I've looked through the book and it seems to be just what I need to clarify a few writing details in my mind. By few, I mean all. I've been critiquing and having my work critiqued lately, and I've noticed some differences of opinion especially when it comes to punctuation. I need a refresher course to get things straight in my mind. So, college, here I come. On a different note, I also received, in the same shipment, the software I've been waiting so impatiently for. I downloaded it last night onto my beautiful new computer and wa-la I am ready to go to work creating a website for a friend of mine. I know, right? How exciting is that? Not that I have any free time as it is. No, I'm booked from morning till night what with the work that actually pays the bills, the reading, the critiquing, the writing new stuff, the revising and now ... website building. I've got to figure out when to eat and go to the bathroom. So, if you see someone dancing around with a full bladder whilst creating a website, writing a best selling book, attending classes and keeping the accounts in order, that will be me. Hee hee.

Procrastination ... Still

There isn't much I have to say here today. I am working on my revisions but they aren't going well. This is more due to my disinterest in them than because I don't know what to do. I have much work to do and no wish to do so. Stupid me. I really need to quit messing around and start working. This blog is another delaying tactic. Yep, if I continue writing here I won't have much time left to revise before I have to quit and go to bed. Good plan, right? Yeah, I thought so too. By the same token, I seem to be able to critique and pick out all the things for others. I can do this for hours. Perhaps because it isn't my work and I look at it with fresh eyes. I don't know, whatever, the point is that it sucks to read and critique my own work. OK, OK, I'm going already. Tah-tah.

Writing And Reading

Slowly but surely I'm getting my writing information moved from my work computer to this brand new, shiny, beautiful computer at home. *smiles stupidly* I've got to get to work on my revision and I've started a new story. My friend in the UK has read the first chapter of my new project and she likes it so far. It's really rough, I just wrote it this afternoon, but she thinks there's a good story there. We'll see. It's my first attempt at writing in first person and it feels really odd. I sent my revised first chapter to my critique buddy and an old friend who read the first version of it. My critique buddy has already read it and sent me some comments. I haven't had a chance to look at them yet but the ones he sent me from the first version were quite helpful. I'm sure these will be as well. I have some reading to do for another writer first, though. She sent me her entire manuscript and I'm only half way through. It will be interesting to see how her story winds up. Right now her character is in some deep shit with no seeming way out. I think I've let her hanging long enough. The poor girl must be really tired by now. Ciao.

New Computer And Changing My Main Character

I'm dancing a happy dance and the kids are eying me like they think perhaps I should be committed. I have a new computer. I do so love tax returns. *giggles* I love my new computer. I'm thinking of getting a skin for it. This reminds me of when I got a blackberry. I can't do anything else because I'm exploring all the features or thinking of new features to explore or I'm asleep dreaming of exploring the features. Yep, I'm in love. Now I just need the software I've ordered. On the writing front, I've been reading some manuscripts for three really talented writers. One of them is pretty rough but she has a great idea. She's written a pretty gritty story for older teens. Its pretty graphic in nature but I think if she can get away with it she will make a huge splash on the book scene once she gets it polished enough to query it. The other two are well on their way. The one has a pretty deep theme for young kids but he deals with it delicately without diluting the message. He needs to polish the writing and maybe sharpen the tension but he's well on his way. The other blows me away. Her writing is pretty amazing. Her book is one I want on my shelf when she gets it published. She's from the UK and I've had a great time giving her my opinions of her writing. Let me just say this, she has the most awesome bad guys I've read in some time. I originally wanted them to win just because she writes them so well. She's changed the good guys a bit and now I've switched sides but let me tell you, the bad guys are great. I've gotten some great feedback for the first chapter of my nano book. One of the writers I've been reading for has read it and he gave me a lot to think about. The people on the writing bridge have given me even more to figure out about my book. The result is that I've made some huge changes in the storyline. Jacob is no longer an orphan. That's pretty huge for the story. It was very difficult to change the background of my main character. However, I've started the process and I like where it can go. This changes ... well not everything ... but quite a few things. Oh the joys of writing.

Great New Group And New Ideas

Unlike the dreary day outside, my current writing life is looking sunny. No, I did not land the mega million ten book deal but I have found some new writer friends who are interested in forming a mutual help society (better known as a critique group). Mutual help society sounds so much happier, doesn't it? Barring their getting to know me better and blocking future emails, I think we may be on to a good thing. So far, I've read a bit of their work and one of them has read some of mine. He wasn't completely scared off so this may work. The fingers are crossing as I type which makes it very difficult to hit the right letters. So, if there are misspellings, you'll know that my fingers cramped and I had to go to emergency to get a muscle relaxer. Ah well, such is my life. As for revising, I've revised the hell out of my current WIP (work in progress). It bears almost no resemblance to the original writing but that's good because now I can go back and build on the parts that were good to begin with and not get swamped by all the drivel. I need to get to chapter 2 in the paring down mode but I think I want to spend a little time with chapter one before I move on. I've also been toying with a general fiction novel about an army Ranger based on a friend of mine. He is pretty high up in the army and used to be a Ranger. I have to get him to sit down and talk to me and I'm having trouble keeping him on task. He does love to talk, though. His stories are amazing. I think he is a born soldier. He loves it. He doesn't do so much of it now as he used to but when he gets the chance, he's out there in the thick of it. Personally, I think he's crazy. But then, I'm not a soldier. It takes a special person to do what he so obviously loves to do. More on him later if I can get him to sit still for five minutes and talk to me. In the meantime, there is this manuscript waiting for me to revise it and you all know how I just LOVE revising. NOT!

One Should Never Be Negative

I'm here to say that if one can get over oneself and put oneself out there just the tiniest bit, one gives oneself the opportunity for good things to happen. There I've said it. I took a chance at a critique group and bombed. I was removed from said critique group voluntarily which led to companionly feelings all around with other members of critique group. The aforementioned companionly feelings led to the recommendation of a possible partnership with another writer of the same genre as me which has led to the exchanging of first chapters. It's kinda like a first date without having to say the awkward good night. He's a good writer and hopefully he'll like what I write as well. The second great opportunity is that about the same time I was suffering the insanity to try to join a critique group, I applied to a small online writers' workshop. I was accepted. Gulp. This means I have to write because they require submissions and workshop participation and critiques and who knows what else. I am overwhelmed. Thirdly, whilst suffering under said insanity, I signed up to be a beta reader for some writers who are ready to submit and hopefully be agented and published. I have two complete novels to read and critique. Can anyone say busy? Life is like that, though. Feast or famine. No in between.

Critique Group Bomb

I've been busy writing everything and everywhere but in my WIP. I think I have avoidance issues. Perhaps if I avoid the poor dying thing long enough it'll get better all on it's own. Then again, the ostrich lost it's head that way but that's a whole different story. Poor ostrich didn't even see it coming. HA! But about my story. I bombed at the crit group. That in itself really didn't surprise me. I expected it to be torn to shreds because it needed to be. What I didn't expect was complete silence. You talk about eloquence without words. That hit hard. So, back to the drawing board. I'll have to try to figure this thing out on my own for a while, again. In the meantime, I'm still talking with some other writers who seem to have no problems with revisions and they're giving me some really great tips. Unfortunately they all have to do with organization and as per prior discussion we've already established I'm no good at that when it comes to my revising skills. Why in the world do I fight it so hard? Maybe I have some deep seated childhood issues with revising manuscripts. Yep, that's it. When I was two ... okay so that's not it. Maybe I'm scared of being successful. Gasp, am I really that pathetic? Apparently so. Let's add that to the list of neuroses right there in the middle along with the 'that's a spider *scream*' issue and the 'no you cannot wear that much makeup to school without looking like you belong on the coffin lid of king Tut's tomb' argument and the 'would you mow the damn lawn already, the game will be there when you are done' fight. Oh what joy to be me.

I Need A Revising Mentor

Now that my life has slowed down a bit I find that I have lots of time to read interesting and educating information on the internet about writing. I have also come to the conclusion that what I thought I knew, I really have no understanding of. In the pursuit of becoming an agented and published writer, I have interaction with other writers both published and unpublished. Almost every one of these people is far more organized than I am or at least they sound like they are. They talk a really good game if they aren't organized. So, perhaps that's one of the first places I need to start in setting myself on the path to a lucrative writing career. Organization has never been a problem for me in every other area of my life. It may look out of control or messy but my life is actually pretty sane and organized. Well, except for my son's room ... and my daughter's room ... and maybe ... but we won't go there. Let's just say in all the areas that I control, I'm organized. Now when it comes to my writing, I've always just sat down and written. Now I'm hearing about plotting, planning, sticky notes, note cards, organizational programs, outlining and seemingly endless organizational tools. Meanwhile, in my head, I have a start point, let's call it A, and an end point, let's call it Z. In between are all the other points that I want to reach and it unfolds as I type. That's it. Maybe that's why I have so many problems when it comes to revisions. I have nothing on paper to guide me from A to Z. It just seems like such a waste of time in the beginning, though, because I could be writing not planning. After all, by the time it hits the paper, I've been thinking about it for at least six months. Perhaps it isn't the organization that's giving me problems. Maybe I've never been taught how to properly start and complete a revision. Now there is a truth. I've been writing forever but I've only begun to revise in the last few years and they are really botched attempts. So, maybe I need a revising mentor. Yep, I gotta get me one of those.

A Beautiful Fire And Other Nonsense

I sent off my first sub to the crit group and I eagerly wait for the results. All the angst of last week feels wasted today. Its a beautiful day and I have high hopes that they'll like it. Of course, I haven't read the crits yet so that hope could go up in flames just as easily as not. But we won't dwell on that. Speaking of fire, I drove past a magnificent blaze on Saturday. I know, you all are goggling at me right now wondering if I've lost my mind, but really, have you ever actually looked at fire? It is rather beautiful in a very hot, destructive sort of way. The building that was burning was an abandoned barn on an old farm that was ... well, abandoned. Hopefully no one was in it when it went up because I think once it caught it was gone. I wish I'd have had my camera with me when I drove past. I would love to have some photos of it. And, no, before you ask, I did not set it. I may enjoy the sight of a good blaze but I don't start them. For those of you who know about my college dreams, I must say this one thing: if you want to go to back to college, get your butt in gear before the last two days of registration for the semester. Being an old idiot, I did not consider that I would have to wait because there were no openings in my chosen classes. I mean, think about it, who wants to take English classes? You know, besides me. What is wrong with these young people? Don't they have anything better to do than horn in on the classes I want to take? Argh! Ahem, yes, well, that said, I'll be the first in line to sign up for the summer session, you can just bet your booty I'll be there first.

Rest Helps

I must have been really tired yesterday. What a whinefest I was having. I'm still not completely happy with my critique group offering but that's what the group is for, isn't it? After all, if we all wrote like geniuses right off the bat, we wouldn't need someone else to read with a critical eye, would we? So, having said that, I'm still worried about how they'll respond to my first chapter. Personally, I think its slow and a bit boring but maybe someone else will see something better in it than I do. I've already had a first read from a friend and she liked the same parts I did which makes me think that everything that came before that scene should probably be cut. I'll know for certain by the end of next week. In other news, me mum bought a new car after being hired for a new job. She is exhausted from all the excitement of the past few days. I suggested she nap, she snapped at me, I left for work. Someone is cranky. Maybe someone should lose their driving privileges until they can show a happy face again. Just don't tell her I said that. There would be big trouble then.

Critique Cold Feet

The first round of critiques is almost over and next week is my turn to supply the reading material. I'm more than a little scared about this. After reading the piece this week, I'm pretty sure I don't belong in this group. Is the self-doubt as thick to you as it feels to me? I guess I'll just put it out there and see what they say. I mean really, what's the worst that can happen? Okay, don't answer that. I reread the piece I'm going to submit and made a few changes but even I see that it is flat and lifeless and lacks real depth of character. I know it is a very young piece, meaning it hasn't been revised to any great extent yet, but still, shouldn't the characters come out of the mind fully formed and ready to go? So maybe that is a bit much to ask of my tired brain but ... yeah, you get the idea. I'm worried they're going to shred the poor defenseless little thing and it won't stand a chance. Not that they seem to have that tendency with the work submitted so far, in fact they've been really kind and helpful, but they haven't yet read mine. So, if the next post here is stained red, you'll know there was a bloodbath.

I Joined A Critique Group

I took the plunge and joined a critique group. Now I'm second guessing myself all over the place. The other three seem to write fiction for much older kids than I do and I'm afraid I may have landed myself in the wrong group. So, when I introduced myself I told them that if they felt I didn't belong they could kick me out and I wouldn't go postal on them. That should make a good first impression, don't you think? Hmm, maybe not. Well, it's done now and there's no changing it. I also jumped into college with both feet only to find that the pool is completely empty of water and by that I mean that I finished all my paperwork yesterday and the deadline for registering for classes for the spring term is today. Guess how many classes that I need have openings. Uh, yeah. So, I can take German if I wish but I'm not sure I want to. I haven't decided if I want to speak a language that makes me spit on the people I talk to. The Spanish class I wanted to take is online and I would have loved it but, well, you know, it was closed by the time I found it. I know, pathetic but that seems to be the way my life is right now. Maybe someone will drop out of the classes I need on Monday or Tuesday and I'll be able to squeak in. Or ... maybe I'll just wait until the summer session and do it right. In the meantime, there is the scary new critique group and there's always the day job. It isn't like I have nothing to do. *sigh*

Busy January

Holy cow! It's the 5th of January already and I haven't been keeping up on my blog. I haven't been keeping up with much of anything to tell the truth. There hasn't been any writing other than emails and my manuscript is shriveling up and dying from neglect. *sigh* I'm hoping I'll get back to it when January is over. This month is so packed with other items of necessity that have to be done before the end of the month that I don't think I'll get to the book any time soon. On a brighter note the month of February doesn't look action packed at all so I should have plenty of time to write. By the way, it's gotten cold here this week. The temperature has been in the teens which is something we are not used to. Winter coats are everywhere and so are colds and the flu. One school system actually took the day off because they didn't want the kids waiting for their buses in below freezing temperatures. Can you imagine? Everyone from Kansas is laughing their asses off at that one. Perhaps they have reason. Oh well.