December Chaos

Life has been a whirlwind since November 1st. Of course, November's chaos was caused by the crazed writing frenzy of Nano but December's self induced hysteria is caused by my inability to organize myself and start searching for presents at a more reasonable time of year. I am not a scatter brained person in my normal life and yet, I do the most scatter brained things to create temporary losses of sanity on occasion.

For instance, I know that my family has a shortened holiday season because my kids go to their dad's house every Christmas vacation. Any reasonable person would take that into consideration and extend the shopping period earlier in the year. Yeah, right. I, on the other hand, sign up to wring every last word out of my brain that it ever thought of producing in order to get some kind of crappy book on paper in one month's time and totally put off thinking of shopping for anyone till December 1st.

I know some of you do this every year for no other reason than it is just how you do it every year. I, however, don't usually go about life in this manner. I am a planner. I like to think up plans of action and follow through on them in my imagination until I come upon one that seems to have the most resemblance to what is likely to happen in real life. That's not to say I'm not spontaneous. Just because I think up these plans of action doesn't necessarily mean that I actually use any of them. No, I jump into things all the time without thinking them through. This habit of mine is driving me crazy.

Back to the craziness of this month. Every year, there are school functions to attend, shopping to do, baking for the neighbors, the workmates, the family, and anyone else that looks hungry. There are the gifts to buy, the house to decorate, and all that wrapping. There are the secrets to keep and the conspiracies to hatch, all so everyone gets at least one package that they have no idea of the contents. Why, I ask you, do I wait until December 1st to hatch these plans? The answer? I'm insane, obviously.

Then, the kids leave, the house is silent, the lights wink sadly and I wait for December 30th when the chaos comes back home. Yes, kids, I'm calling you chaos. You have no idea how peaceful it is when you are gone. New year's comes and it's back to the old schedule. God, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Still, I read a decent book by A.D. Scott last week. It's called A Small Death In The Great Glen. It has been a while since I've read a mystery and I didn't know for sure who did it because there were a couple of very good prospects that made complete sense to be the killer. This book took me through about three quarters of the way before I knew for sure who it was. VERY well done, A.D. I like a good mystery and you've penned a good one. I look forward to reading more of your creations. One word of caution about this book, though. Some of the language is hard to follow. It is set in Scotland and once in a while A.D. writes in the dialect and it can be hard to understand if you aren't familiar. All things considered, though, it is well done. Kudos to you, A.D.

In other news, Em's Christmas concert is on Monday evening. It looks like it'll be a pretty good show if the previous concerts are anything to go by. T is taking his EOC's this week. He seems unconcerned about them. I'm hoping this is a good sign. Mom is about the same. I bought a new car. That's life in a nutshell.

A thought for thinking on: shouldn't they be called buttoxen instead of buttocks? Just wondering.

Starting Fresh ... Again

I've been looking through my shelves of notebooks and three ring binders to see if there is any inspiration among the stories laid to rest there that might help me focus my mind. So far, nothing. I want to write, I just don't know what. I'm still trying to find that right fit. What is it that I write well? Outrageous stories fit only for little kids that still believe the unbelievable.

Unfortunately, I have allowed myself to be critiqued out of believing in the unbelievable. So, if I can't believe it, how can I write it with any authority? I think adults forget that kids make leaps of the imagination with very little thought to reality. They'll grasp and run with ideas that the adult stops to question. The kid thinks its the greatest thing to enter an imaginary world where the natural laws have no bearing. The adult questions every step of the way and ends up closing the book. I've listened to too many adults. I'm not happy or proud of this. I've lost my ability to look at everyday events and make them into something fantastical. This is what I will work to get back.

My imagination needs no walls or boundaries. If I place it inside a box, its confinement is stifling. If I let it roam free, it will reconnect with the kid within, hopefully, and the crazy twisting stories will flow once again. I love those stories. I miss those stories. I will write those stories again.

I've tried my hand at other kinds of writing, other genres. I sometimes think that because a publisher, an editor, or an agent would pigeonhole us as a certain type of writer, we as writers try to pigeonhole ourselves. After all, don't all the professionals preach over and over, know who your writing for and what kind of fiction you write? Think about it, though, don't really good stories cross boundaries supposedly set in stone? Aren't the best stories bits and pieces of adventure, mystery, romance or kidlit? Don't we all wish to dive into another life, another world, and leave ours behind? Do we live either an adventurous life, a mysterious life, a romantic life, or a child-like life? Don't we all live in a little bit of each of them? I say, open your mind to the possibilities and quit trying to limit yourself to your chosen genre. There's so much more out there to write. Go, explore, enjoy, write.

Stupid Brain

Did I say Nano was over? I think I did. I think I also reported that I wrote a bunch of crap. So far, this is all true. The question I'm pondering is, why, now that it's all over, is my brain flooded with great ideas and story lines? Well, hell, wouldn't you just know it? The best ideas come when you're not even trying. The problem, I allocated time to write in November thinking I'd make up all the cramming for finals in December which leaves no time for writing. Little notes are left here and there to hopefully remind myself, after finals are over, what those wonderful ideas were. By that time, the notes will make no sense and I'll be wondering what kind of crazed ranting my brain went on while trying to absorb discrete math symbols and java programming language.

In regards to the Nano project, I have decided to scrap the original idea for the book I was going to write but I've decided a few of the scenes can be used in another idea I have. If that ugly lump of words can serve some kind of purpose for future writing, it will not have been a complete waste of time. I think there are several salvageable parts in it, the searching for those pieces may take some time, though.

One thing I've learned through the Nanos I've done is that I'm not at all an organized writer, at least in that month. I can't really say I'm much more organized in writing the other eleven months of the year, either, except for school writing. I need to study how I write a research paper and apply the same type of structure to my fictional writing. I write decent research papers and I think the disciplines learned for them can be applied elsewhere. Maybe that will help me write good words further than the first five chapters. I always seem to lose the thread of where I'm going around that chapter. The first five chapters can be rewritten into something that reads really well. The rest of the book is such a mountain of work to bring up to the same standard that it gets overwhelming and frustrating. Organization and clear goals will help there. Also, knowing more than where I'm starting and where I'm ending.

I know all you writers out there are rolling your eyes and thinking, duh, that's what writing a book involves. Yes, I know that, I just haven't figured out the how of it yet. I know what I want to happen, I can even write a few good scenes for each event in the story, but, somehow, the momentum and the tension leak out of the writing until we're just floating through the words. I get bored writing and I can't go back and read it without wanting to throw it in the nearest garbage pail. I know some of the stories are good, just not well written past a certain point, usually chapter five. If you have any suggestions, please leave a comment and let me know what works for you.

In other news, Em is still scheming, which, I admit, scares me more than a little. T is becoming a very sociable person, which I find more than a little humorous. Mom got a great report from her doctor recently and gets to stop taking one of her medications. Woo hoo!

Here's something to think about, if we're in the matrix, what does the real world look like?